Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
