Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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