Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
