What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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