i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
