I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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