That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
