oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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