Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
