oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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