my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize