Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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