Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
