This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
