shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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