I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
