And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
