There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
