i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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