Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just pee around me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
