I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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