every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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