He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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