I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
