I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
