I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
