Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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