UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
