soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
