just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
