I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
