i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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