Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
