So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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