Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
