Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
