Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
