Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
