Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
