2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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