So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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