it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
