I've blown a few things in my day
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
