She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
