i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
