y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
