If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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