Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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