How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
