see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
