Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize