I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
