And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are all done wearing pants today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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