Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
