OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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