So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
