I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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