she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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