Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize