yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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