Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
