im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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