Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
