Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
