I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
