Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
