# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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