new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
